Updated: Oct 17
Do you ever wish you had something that someone else had? Come on you know you have.
So have I!
Every single one of us has at some point wondered about what it would be like to have someone else’s lifestyle.
So I have a confession to make. There are times when I think about what someone else has. Like may
be their lifestyle, their social media followers or even their cats or dogs.
No, actually I’m a cat person so may be their cats.
And you know what it is okay!
So I have a question for you.Do you feel envious of others? Are you jealous of someone else’s life, lifestyle. Come on, I just confessed!
If you’ve ever felt envious of someone or jealous of someone then you have to learn how to handle the green-eyed monster because it impacts your goals in a huge way!
So today, I thought I’m going to talk to you about this innocent feeling.
And this feeling can vary from an innocent harmless one to a full blown obsession
That’s what we’re discussing in today’s episode. How to control that green-eyed monster, which can help you with what you’re trying to achieve in your life.
Hi and welcome back to Up It and the Action-Ables. This is Paden. If you’re new here welcome to you and if you’re a regular viewer or listener thanks for tuning back in.
Let’s start with this question, do you wish you had something that some else has? I’ll be the first person to raise my hand.
Depending on what you really want out of your life, who doesn’t want more of that? So it could be more in terms of money. In terms of relationships, in terms of something fancy.
We as human beings are wired to feel jealous. So what do you do when you feel jealous of someone?
Did you know there’s a difference between feeling envious and feeling jealous?
Envy and jealousy are two distinct feelings but people confuse them for the same thing. Now there’s a difference between the two and these two terms envy and jealousy are used interchangeably.
Envy is when you look at someone and they have something that you want. For example, when you see your friend with a new designer bag, a new gadget or even a promotion.
Jealousy is when you already have something or you want to have something and you feel threatened by someone else. For example, let’s say you’re jealous of someone else’s success or you’re jealous of your partner getting close to someone else or your best friend getting close to someone else.
So which out of the two is the most toxic and the sinister one?
Jealousy is something that is common to almost everyone of us and now before you dismiss that and say No Not me! There’s a scientific angle to it.
From a survival perspective , we are all hard wired to feel jealous. When we feel jealous the instinct of protectiveness kicks in and we take we take all the necessary action to protect what is ours whether it’s physical or material.
So the question is which is worse? Envy or jealousy?
Well in my opinion, feeling envious is a lot lesser toxic emotion than jealousy because when you’re envious of someone it is relatively short-lived and you can get over it much faster. However, when you’re jealous of someone then that at the heart touches to deeper insecurities.
So here are four ways on how you can learn to be a lot less jealous because this is fundamental to how you pursue your goals and reach them.
First is, acknowledge it. Only when you acknowledge how you’re feeling can you actually learn to deal with that emotion.
What happens many time is there’s a lot of shame that is associated with our emotions and particularly feeling jealous. So you need to get over that hurdle of feeling internal shame that how can I feel this way and how can I be jealous and more importantly how can I even accept that I am jealous. Well first you’ve got to understand that there’s absolutely no shame in you feeling jealous. Because you may not have control over how you feel but you have absolute control over how you want to react to this emotion.
And if you don’t learn how to deal with it in a positive way, then it can cause unnecessary problems for yourself both internally as well as externally with someone else.
When it comes to emotions the right way or the positive way to handle your emotions is not to suppress them or to ignore them. When it comes to emotions you have to become like an investigator. You have to try to find out what is this emotion trying to teach me.
In this case, why am I feeling jealous? Like what is the potential cause behind this? So for example, if you are feeling jealous of someone else’s success ask yourself what is it that you’re really feeling jealous about? Could it be that your own emotion of jealousy is trying to teach you that may be you perhaps are not doing everything within your potential to get the same level of success.
So investigate the potential causes of why you’re feeling this way and try to focus on what you can do about this feeling instead of of getting disturbed by whatever is causing you feel this way. Remember you have a choice and responsibility to figure out what this emotion is trying to teach you.
Third is Own your Insecurities
Now, we all have things that we are insecure about.
For example, when I was growing up I had a huge insecurity around the way I looked, especially my eyes, and for the longest time I even considered getting a double eye lid surgery done.
Now looking back I find it extremely funny but it was a real thing I was extremely insecure about it. That’s the thing with insecurity the moment you say screw it! And let’s get on with it and yes this is something that makes me uncomfortable but I’m owning it, there’s a huge power in that and that liberates you and it’s extremely freeing!
So the point being, when it comes to being jealous you have to look at the other picture which is what are your insecurities because that might be into play when you’re feeling jealous of someone.
Learning to deal with your own insecurities is probably the hardest thing to do when it comes to working n your feelings of jealousy.
Fourth is There is Enough!
So if you’re jealous of someone’s success you may actually believe that someone else being successful limits or reduces your chances of successful.
Which isn’t the case! There is enough and more to go around. So whatever that you want you have to first fix the belief that there isn’t enough! Which gives rise to feelings of jealousy in the first place.
If you truly believe that there is enough of success, love, health, happiness or any material things that you want for yourself, if you believe, if you truly believe that there is enough of that in the world to go around for everyone then the chances of you being jealous of someone else is drastically reduced.
So those were the four ways to deal with the green-eyed monster and to be less jealous. And even though there’s no shame in accepting that you’re jealous but we can all do with being less jealous of someone else, right?
So that’s a wrap on this episode, if you liked it let me know in the comments what you thought. If you liked this episode give it a like and share it with a friend. iI’ll see you next week.
If you’d like to get in touch with me, hit me up on Social. My handle on Instagram is @padenslife
For personalised help with your life goals, check out my company on www.upitaway.com
Till next week, remember, what you want matters and it’s really up to you to make it happen! I’ll see you next week.