Updated: Oct 17
Have you ever fallen down on your backside, it can be pretty painful right?
Today let’s talk about the biggest trap that people can fall into, which is even more painful.
But the great news is that it costs you absolutely nothing to avoid it and it’s the biggest factor in you feeling more happy and fulfilled. Want to know what it is? Stay tuned!
Hi and welcome back to Up It and the Action-Ables podcast. My name is Paden, I’m a performance life coach. Before we get into things, a gentle reminder, be sure to hit that subscribe button and the bell icon so you get notified every time when we bring you videos like this that can help you move toward your life goals.
Amidst everything that’s going on right now, to feel happy and fulfilled might sound a bit of a reach.
Or does it really?
In one of our recent videos, we spoke about about how to handle a difficult situation, be sure to check that out after you’re done watching this one, okay?
So, the topic of happiness and fulfilment. What really blows my mind is that most people do things that are counterintuitive to their happiness. Like can you imagine?
Here are few examples of what people do, even though they say they want to be happier
1. Worrying about things that have happened and blaming themselves or others
2. Being jealous of someone else’s success, as though success was limited and only few people had access to it
3. Being anxious about what’s happening in the world or what could potentially happen, completely missing the present
And no. 4, the biggest trap of all that most people fall into is
Setting goals and waiting to reach them
Say What Now?
Here’s how one may fall into this trap. It happens in 3 levels.
Level 1, People set goals. Because setting goals is the easiest thing to do. My twelve year old niece sets goals. So, no biggie in that right!
Second level is people start to pursue those goals, fantastic!
Third level is where it happens. They wait to reach their goals. And then they wait some more and some more. You get the idea!
And they literally don’t stop to smell the roses. Such people who set goals and wait to reach that goal before they feel a sense of happiness and fulfilment are actually robbing themselves of their present for a future that may or may not happen. They become so negatively focussed with their goals that they completely loose focus of what’s happening in the world right now.
Obviously I’m not saying you shouldn’t be focussed and chase your goals, but the trouble is when someone becomes negatively obsessed and believes that only once they reach their goals will they be happy that is where the trap lies and that is something that you need to avoid for yourself.
This trap is the biggest reason why some people even though they may achieve their goals may end up feeling a deep sense of unfulfilment. Even though their goals may manifest and they may reach them they may end up feeling empty and hollow.
Now, I'm going to assume that you may think why bother setting goals at all and you may want to avoid setting goals altogether. But then you may into another trap which is you may seek happiness outside and make some materialistic thing, person or object as your source of happiness.
Now the trap to be avoided is you don’t really need to reach your goals to start feeling happy and fulfilled. I know how counterintuitive that may sound. The understanding that needs to happen is the the pursuit of goals in itself should make you feel happy and content. And reaching the destination and your goals is an additional bonus.
Stop waiting to be in better physical shape, to meet the right person, to earn more money, or even for the Covid cure to come out, your happiness lies within you.
Your pursuit of goals is enough in order for you to feel happy and fulfilled. Because nothing external is ever going to give you that sense of accomplishment. That sense of accomplishment, fulfilment, joy and happiness comes from within you. It comes from the meaning that you associate with your experiences.
So any experience that you’re having in life be careful about what meaning you’re relating to it. The meaning that you give to your experiences will ultimately determine how happy and how fulfilled you feel in life.
So set goals, be ambitious, but don’t postpone your happiness. Happiness is not a destination. Don’t put a condition on being happy. Life is not a If/Then flowchart.
So in the end, the question is why even bother setting goals when you may end up falling into this trap. Because setting goals gives your life a sense of direction and purpose. But the understanding and awareness that needs to happen is don’t rely on reaching that goal to feel ultimately happy. Be happy and be present right now.
In the words of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the author of the book ‘Flow’ this is what he says about happiness
“Happiness is not something that happens. It’s not the result of good fortune or random chance. It’s not something that money can buy or power command. It does not depend on outside events, but, rather on how we interpret them. Happiness, in fact, is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated and defended privately by each person.
So I hope this episode helped. If you like it, share it with a friend, subscribe and I’ll see you next week.
Till next week, remember what you want matters and it’s up to you to make it happen. Stay healthy, stay safe, talk to you soon. See ya!