Updated: May 17
You can achieve goals as long as you need to achieve them. We often confuse our ‘wants‘ with our ‘needs‘
Hi and welcome back to Action-Ables. In this episode let’s talk about whether you want to achieve your goals or you need to achieve them. And Yes! there’s a big difference, so stay tuned.
Before we get started I want to give credit where it’s due. I was inspired to talk about this topic because of a conversation I had with a good friend. Couple days back a close friend was telling me how much he loved his girlfriend and he needed to be with her. He didn’t just want to be with her. I asked him if there was a difference. This is what he said. He said when you want something and if you’re not able to achieve it, you can still live and move on. However, when you need something, it’s like oxygen, it’s critical, it’s non-negotiable for survival.
This is such a deep insight and when integrated with one’s pursuit of their goals, it can be extremely powerful. So I decided to explore this further in the context of achieving goals.
Have you noticed when a loved one is dependent on you for their needs, you’re relentless in your efforts to provide for them. It becomes a necessity that you be able to help them. It then is hardly a matter of choice for you to do what’s necessary. It’s no longer whether you want to help them instead it becomes a real need for you to help them in whatever way you can. Depending on how much someone means to you, you go out of your way to help them with their needs.
This is because the love you feel for them makes it seem worthwhile for any uncomfortable situations or hardships you may have to face. Tony Robbins says “We are often willing to do more for others than we do for ourselves” and he is right!
Think about it when it comes to your personal goals, how do you approach them.
Let’s say you decided to pursue a goal, as simple as waking an hour earlier than usual and going to the gym or a walk.
Now let’s take a look at a ‘want’ based approach to this goal. You say you want to loose some weight and get healthy. So from tomorrow you want to wake up early and go workout. Next morning the alarm goes off and since you want to loose weight you drag your feet and go to the gym. You do this for a couple of days. It’s a struggle to wake up, you don’t feel like doing it, you begrudge the whole process and eventually after couple of days, getting out of bed seems impossible and you give up.
Alternatively, here’s a ‘Need-based‘ approach. You decide that you need to loose weight, because you are tired of being unhealthy and feeling low on energy. You set the alarm to wake up early and go workout. You face the same challenges- You don’t feel like waking up, it’s painful but every time you face these challenges you do a simple check in with yourself. You say something like “I don’t want to loose this excess weight, I need to loose it” It’s not a choice, it’s non-negotiable to me to loose this weight”
When you make something non-negotiable to you, it’s not like the challenges you face become magically easier. It’s just that when you decide to do something, and commit to it with your whole life, it becomes a standard for you. When you decide and fix this non-negotiable standard and you start taking action from this place, you get better results.
Also, it’s critical to note that the size of your goal doesn’t matter. What does matter is your approach. So If your approach to your goals is simply something you ‘want’ that’s casual, then you will take casual action toward it and no surprises you won’t get optimal results. However, if you pursued your goals in a relentless manner. In a manner where you needed to achieve your goals and it wasn’t negotiable, then it would follow you would take focussed action and ultimately get the results you want.
I’m a firm believer that the way you do something, the techniques and the approaches can all be figured out. However, it all starts with whether you want to achieve that goal or do you need to achieve it.
When you want something, you’re making it a choice. However, when you need to achieve something, it becomes a standard that you simply have to reach. So ask yourself how do you want to approach your goals? Is it an absolutely necessity you reach them or just something you’re try to do.
So, here’s a simple exercise. After you’ve done a goal setting exercise take each of your goals you’ve identified and get real. Which goal is just a feel -good want-based goal and which one is an absolute need-to achieve this goal. Only you can know which goal matters to you.
Trust me not all goals are absolute must to achieve. Start small. Identify at least one goal for yourself which excites you. The key to doing this exercise is to get conscious of your feelings which can be scary but also exciting.
Go ahead and do this exercise and reap the benefits of finding an absolute goal to pursue.
That’s my time. If you liked this episode, don’t forget to like and share it with your friends. I’ll be back next Thursday to help you move toward your life goals.
To connect with me, hit me up on Social, my handle on Instagram is #padenslife
For personalised help with your goals, check out my company on www.upitaway.com
Remember, ‘What You Want Matters and It’s Up to You to Make It Happen’